3) Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

4) Do not search the basement, especially when the power has just gone out.

5) If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak using a voice other than their own, shoot them immediately.

6) Should you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off or go out alone.

7) If the gang plans a fun midnight party in the town's old abandoned mansion, don't tag along. Especially don't tag along if everyone's planning on having a "good time" and they're all youth counselors... and especially especially don't tag along if they're all going as couples, except you're the odd guy/gal out.

8) As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

9) Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other domicile of the dead.

10) If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately.

11) If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

12) Do not take (or borrow) anything from the dead.

13) Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.

14) If you're running from the monster, plan on stumbling needlessly at least two times... more if you are female.

15) If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination with blood, glowing eyes and/or slime... immediately excuse yourself from the conversation and drive away.

18) Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, weed whackers or any device made from their own severed limbs.

19) Listen closely to the soundtrack.

20) Never, never, NEVER try to communicate with icy things because "there's so much we can learn from them".

21) Don't make fun of or play with dead things.

22) If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. If you see a town that looks deserted except for children, do not try to 'help' them - they will eat you.

23) If a meteor strikes nearby, move out.

24) If you walk into the local abandoned looking church to seek help or shelter, and you notice that the crucifix is mounted upside down, turn around and go back outside as quietly as possible.

25) Never sleep in the bunk beds of recently renovated summer camps.

26) Strange lights are seldom harbingers of joy.

27) On no account do ANYTHING because someone dares you to.

28) If any animals, such as Birds, Piranhas, Spiders, etc. begin to exhibit behavior that seems a bit more hostile towards mankind than normal, expect to soon find many more. Plan on this. Leave.

29) Whenever you land on a distant planet and find some objects that look like eggs, leave them alone.

30) Do not allow crew mates back aboard the craft if and after you have found a hideous parasite attached to his/her body.

31) Be forewarned that a gun is only good for ALMOST killing the monster, never for COMPLETELY killing it. Be sure to have an extra weapon, preferably one with a "flair" (a knife, a harpoon, a heavy box, razor confetti, pop tarts...)

32) Don't open the closed door, especially if you hear scratching, heavy breathing, or the voice of a dear relative whom you THOUGHT was dead.

33) DO NOT go into the dark room.

34) While in a horror film, never bathe, especially when in the house alone.

35) If you are a female, never show your breasts. Easy women die fast.

36) Never camp or build homes on Indian burial grounds.

37) Ask why the estate is being sold so cheap.

38) If the phone lines are dead, and you hear footsteps upstairs, and you say "Tom... Tom is that you?" and Tom does not answer, run away.

39) If the Master does not approve, neither do you.

40) Never handle the rat monkey cage.

41) Your dog can take care of itself.

42) Skeptics are often the first to fall prey to the demon incarnation of the Anti-Christ. Always believe what the aged priest says.

43) If you find yourself often standing in shadows and saying very little, or especially if you were ever or are currently a "bully", you are probably not a main character. Commit suicide at once.

44) Whenever possible, no matter how unnecessary it may seem, always empty all the bullets you have into the monsters head.

45) People driven by vengeance always die.

46) Mentioning any goals in life, anything you have to look forward to, or any loved ones will invariably get you killed.

47) Feel no guilt.

48) If you have to run away, taking a bus is your best bet. If you take a car the monster will be in it. Cabbies are always demonically possessed. Monsters will destroy any plane/boat you try to take, and to get to the subway you have to go through dark underground stations.

49) If you are a child, don't panic! Monsters only attack overly horny teenagers. Children can NOT be killed in a movie, only possessed or absorbed. So cheer up!

50) If you're being chased by a monster and you find one of your friends and they ask "what's wrong?", don't stop and try to explain. Just tell them to run as you go by. If they're really your friend they'll follow. If not, that's their tough luck.

51) If you are a good dog you have a 50-50 chance of survival. Remember, good dogs will only die if they stand up to the monster in defense of their master. Bite the hand that feeds you and run away!