Wisconsin Resident's Temperature Guide

50 above = New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Wisconsin residents plant gardens.

40 above = Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Wisconsin residents sunbathe.

35 above = Italian cars won't start.
Wisconsin residents drive with the windows down.

32 above = Distilled water freezes.
Brookings' water gets thicker.

20 above = Floridians wear coats, gloves & wool hats.
Wisconsin residents throw on a t-shirt.

15 above = Californians begin to evacuate the state.
Wisconsin residents go swimming.

Zero = New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Wisconsin residents have the last cook-out before it gets cold.

10 below = People in Miami cease to exist.
Wisconsin residents lick flag poles.

20 below = Californians fly away to Mexico.
Wisconsin residents throw on a light jacket.

40 below = Hollywood disintegrates.
Wisconsin residents rent some videos.

60 below = Mt. St. Helens freezes.
Wisconsin Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

80 below = Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Wisconsin Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it
gets cold enough

100 below = Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Wisconsin residents pull down their ear flaps.

120 below = Gulf of Mexico freezes.
Wisconsin residents strip for a football game.

173 below = Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Wisconsin residents get frustrated when they can't thaw the other
keg.

297 below = Microbial life survives on dairy products.
Wisconsin cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below = ALL atomic motion stops.
Wisconsin residents start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

500 below = Hell freezes over.
The Minnesota Vikings win the Super Bowl.

wow.